Saturday, September 7th, 2002
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12:33 pm - Goodbye.
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That Particular Time
My foundation was rocked
My tried and true way to deal was to vanish
My departures were old
I stood in the room
Shaking in my boots
At that particular time love had challenged me to stay
At that particular moment I knew not run away again
That particular month I was ready to investigate with you
At that particular time
We thought a break would be good
For four months we sat and vacillated
We thought a small time apart would clear up the doubts that were abounding
At that particular time love encouraged me to wait
At that particular moment it helped me to be patient
That particular month we needed time to marinate in what "us" meant
At that particular time
I've always wanted for you what you've wanted for yourself
And yet I wanted to save us high water or hell
And I kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt
And in the meantime I lost myself
In the meantime I lost myself
I'm sorry I lost myself…
I am
You knew you needed more time
Time spent alone with no distraction
You felt you needed to fly
Solo and high to define what you wanted
At that particular time love encouraged me to leave
At that particular moment I knew staying with you meant deserting me
That particular month was harder than you'd believe but I still left
At that particular time
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(27 Spoke | Speak to me)
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Friday, September 6th, 2002
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12:33 am - "I speak five languages, two of which I made up."
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I found myself whipping out some ballet moves to play ping-pong.
But then I fell over laughing because I'm a nerd, and that wasn't very graceful at all.
I told the boy Chelle's stalking, "I speak five languages, two of which I made up" and I thought I was really funny...but I don't think he got the joke...now I feel retarded.
current mood:  giggly
current music: Depeche Mode
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(12 Spoke | Speak to me)
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Thursday, September 5th, 2002
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2:53 pm - *ganks from Nina*
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If you've been hiding from love
If you've been hiding from love
I can understand where you're coming from
I can understand where you're coming from
If you've suffered enough
If you've suffered enough
I can understand what you're thinking of
I can see the pain that you're frightened of
And I'm only here
To bring you free love
Let's make it clear
That this is free love
No hidden catch
No strings attached
Just free love
No hidden catch
No strings attached
Just free love
I've been running like you
I've been running like you
Now you understand why I'm running scared
Now you understand why I'm running scared
I've been searching for truth
I've been searching for truth
And I haven't been getting anywhere
No I haven't been getting anywhere
And I'm only here
To bring you free love
Let's make it clear
That this is free love
No hidden catch
No strings attached
Just free love
No hidden catch
No strings attached
Just free love
Hey girl
You've got to take this moment
Then let it slip away
Let go of complicated feelings
Then there's no price to pay
We've been running from love
We've been running from love
And we don't know what we're doing here
No we don't know what we're doing here
We're only here
Sharing our free love
Let's make it clear
That this is free love
No hidden catch
No strings attached
Just free love
No hidden catch
No strings attached
Just free love
current mood:  calm
current music: "Free Love" - Depeche Mode
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(5 Spoke | Speak to me)
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Saturday, August 31st, 2002
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1:40 pm - *sits*
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*waits for the postcards to pour in*
*waaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiittsss*
*twiddles thumbs and whistles*
current mood: *waiting*
current music: Bee Gees
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(14 Spoke | Speak to me)
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Friday, August 30th, 2002
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9:14 pm - Next I'll be a professional cellist.
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I could do that. I just need a danseur. And some talent. And a pony.
I'm better at everything with a pony.
current mood:  determined
current music: "Grande Plie" - Angela Rinaldi
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(3 Spoke | Speak to me)
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Saturday, August 17th, 2002
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9:44 am - Sodey and love of the high speed access.
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I don't want to unplug my beautiful computer. The poor dear will never have high speed internet access again. *sad sigh* *pet* *pet*
I went to my room and put some of my things away. I expected my roommate to be there, but she wasn't. I guess that's what I get for showing up at 8am on the dot. I complained about the heat (the air conditioner is down) then I frolicked around and said weird things really loud like, "Do they allow ponies here?!" Then I decided I was thirsty so I left a note that said, "Dear Roomie, I have gone in search of soda, for it is hot. Feel free to switch dressers with me, I don't care. But don't touch my desk. Grr. :) See ya later! ~Ayukawa" I hope she's there when I get back. *sips sodey*
But alas, I must unplug my computer soon, and go off to into my internetless world. I can't check my email until Monday. That makes me uneasy...I find much comfort in checking my email like a maniac. I will have to call the phone company right quick and be like, "Hook me up bitch." and then scramble to find money to pay for it.
current mood: Frolicky
current music: It is way too early in the morning.
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(3 Spoke | Speak to me)
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Friday, August 16th, 2002
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5:03 pm - Moving out and negative feelings
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Well I'm moving out tomorrow. I can already tell my mom is going to make this as hard as she can. She's been pissed off at me all day.
I have no idea how long it will be until I have the internet again. I have to get a job and pay for my own internet and phone...so it could take a week it could take a month...but I'll be sure to check my email in the library as much as I can.
Adios.
current mood:  lethargic
current music: Park
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(15 Spoke | Speak to me)
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Tuesday, August 13th, 2002
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12:43 pm - Damn arachnids.
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I just walked through the web of this monster:
He tried to eat me.
My whole house has been taken over by these things. This one was in the door way.
current mood: less than thrilled
current music: Alanis Morissette
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(27 Spoke | Speak to me)
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Monday, August 12th, 2002
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2:56 pm - I have the prettiest, bestest kitty in all the land.
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3:45 am - I thought I'd share.
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I am so cool.
I'm not sure which is better, having six fingers, or amazing technicolor hair.
current mood:  dorky
current music: The Ataris
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(13 Spoke | Speak to me)
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Saturday, August 10th, 2002
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10:30 pm - Moo.
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 I got a new refrigerator this week. I couldn't believe my mom didn't get me any refrigerator gifts! So I stole one of her magnets. The cow magnet rocks. My mom has this annoying obsessive-compulsive way of arranging her magnets all neat and perfect...and I have this compulsive need to turn them all upside-down just to drive her insane. And I like to take tape and give all the magnets thought bubbles. That drives her crazy too. So far I have a soda, vegan butter, and soy icecream sandwiches in my fridge...that's healthy. My moms old refrigerator used to have little Eskimos living in it. Seriously. When you shut the door they made igloos out of ice cubes. I could hear them.
current mood:  hungry
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(6 Spoke | Speak to me)
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Friday, August 9th, 2002
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9:38 pm - Nyago is so cute.
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2:54 pm - Whoo!
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</center>| Book Worm Meter for Ayukawa | | Shut In 93% | | 7% Out Of The House |
| Intellectual 95% | | 5% Moron | | High Attention Span 95% | | 5% Low Attention Span | | Bookitude 96% | | 4% Book Burner | | Book Worm 94.75% | | 5.25% Bug Stomper |
| | Take your bookworm readings. |
</center>
Yes! I am the geek-queen!
Sadly, I have spent the last two days re-arranging my books and complaining about my lack of book shelves. True story.
Ghandi quotes: :)
"Men of stainless character will easily inspire confidence and automatically purify the atmosphere around them."
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
"The earth provides enough to satisfy every man's needs, but not every man's greed."
current mood:  excited
current music: French Opera...I mean, I don't listen to opera. That's geeky
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(12 Spoke | Speak to me)
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Thursday, August 8th, 2002
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4:31 pm - Fall classes!
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Kimmy-gablah and I are taking ballet together! Yay!
I've already gotten my Japanese book and I've started studying. I was going to get my logic book today too, but it was crazy-expensive. I think I might not take logic because Kimmas mom thought it was hard and I'm going to be focussing on Japanese.
I'm going to try to over-enroll in abnormal psychology. It doesn't fill any of my requirements, I just really want to take it. And I may take English 1A if I drop logic. I think I might show up for logic a few times just to see what it's like, because I'm still interested even if it's way too hard with all my other classes.
And then I'm auditing Spanish because I was so busy last semester with my other classes that I didn't pay much attention. I really have no need to audit it, but for some reason that is beyond me, I really want to. I think it's the thrill of being able to translate things I never understood before.
current mood: excited
current music: Rasputina
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(9 Spoke | Speak to me)
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Wednesday, August 7th, 2002
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12:50 am - Dirk Niblick is my hero.
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Square One is a show all about math. That is hardcore.
"Dirk took time off from his favorite subject, mathmatics, to study another interesting subject, geography."
current mood:  amused
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(15 Spoke | Speak to me)
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Monday, August 5th, 2002
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8:44 pm - I'm alive! I'm alive!
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Friday, July 26th, 2002
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2:36 pm - "The eagle flies at night."
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I like to leave notes on the counter for my mom that say things like, "You smell like cheese." "I know where you sleep." "Debase the beef canoe."
I don't see how anyone could not like living with me.
current mood:  devious
current music: Chicago
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(16 Spoke | Speak to me)
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Wednesday, July 17th, 2002
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9:12 pm - Free Radical Game! *crash*
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Again with that feeling of overwhelming retardedness.
But anyway, I was thinking it would be really fun to shout, "Free Radical Game!" and run around and bounce off stuff and knock everthing over. Knocking stuff over is fun. Yesterday I wanted to make a city out of books and screetch and knock them all over Godzilla style.
current mood: Distructive
current music: Buffy
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(7 Spoke | Speak to me)
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Tuesday, July 16th, 2002
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9:20 pm - i heart park
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"*splat* *points to large blob on windshild* Bug...Hey, I bet you don't have the guts to to do that again! Haha! *HONK* *HONK* That was funny..." -- Kimmy
I told my mom I was going to hang out with Kimmy for the day. Then we drove to San Fran to see Park. I have a monster sunburn on my left arm because I thought it would be cool to roll down the window and hang my arm out the whole way. That was fun to explain to my mother.
I think the best part of the trip, besides seeing park, would be when we were sitting in a parking lot waiting and this lady in a huge ass truck pulled up next to Kimmy and me in our tiny car and opened her door right into us. *WHAM* Me: O.O *pause* *busts up laughing* Lady: *stumbles around trying to act like she didn't do it* Kimmy: OMG! *looks at me* *busts up laughing* Kimmy called her an assclown and that made me laugh harder.
Park was awesome. They did a little in-store and there were only about 10 people there. I got to meet everyone pretty much, except Ladd, but I was standing about 6 feet away from him the whole time so it was cool. I want to touch his bald head. It was too much. So short...so bald...goooood Laddddd. When the bass guitarist (or was that the guitarist? err...) found out we drove four hours to come see them he gave us a free CD and three stickers each. I was excited. I told him he was sweet.
My three favorite park songs are "The Ghost You Are", "Clue Me In" and the hidden track.
The Hidden Track (with incorrect lyrics because I'm cool -- help me out here Kimmy)
So breathless
The night carves the airways out of these
And I am up against
??
So cold
So deep
I'm 20 feet and sinking
Faster than the ship I'm in
Useless to jump or swim
I could hold my breath 'til I grow up
And make this all seem real
No matter how hard I try
I can’t seem to win this stupid game
I apologize
For keeping you up
Wasting all your time
So I'm stuck with
The image of you
Walking into my heart
And how nice it felt
To be alive in someones arms
Last night
Felt like
The only time that we made sense
And every moment after which
Chalk it up, chalk it up to coincidence
I could hold my breath 'til I grow up
And make this all seem real
There's nothing like waking up
After all of the sadness has all been slapped off
And it's just me and you
Looking at all these things…
How am I supposed to breathe?
How am I supposed to breathe?
How am I supposed to breathe?
How am I supposed to breathe?
Lucky for me
We were lying down
Just for kissing you I could have passed right out
Their bio makes me laugh. hehe. I had more to say, but I've forgotten now...I'll have to think about it for a while.
Oh wait, now I remember something. The owner of the comic book store (where Park played) is my hero. He had sideburns and tattoos and he ate vegan icecream.
current mood: One light flashing
current music: Park
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(1 Spoke | Speak to me)
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Monday, July 15th, 2002
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1:06 am - "You...You...You...Still a whisper on my lips, feel it at my fingertips."
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I feel like no matter what I say right now it's going to be really retarded.
I think I'll go study Japanese.
current mood:  discontent
current music: "Days Go By" -- Dirty Vegas
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(13 Spoke | Speak to me)
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